The Academy released the Oscar nominations this morning. It’s not much of a surprise that we’re all a little agitated. I won’t go into the gory details, but it’s a bit of a JOKE(r) that not one woman was nominated for director considering the amazing films the females of our species produced this year.
And since the Oscar nods dropped, that also means it’s time for the 2019 First-Watch Hertzie Awards. In case you’re just catching the Hertzie bug for this first time this year, these are my own personal commendations for excellence. It doesn’t matter when the movie dropped, it only matters that I watched it between January 1st and December 31st of 2019.
I’ve consulted my @Letterboxd diary for all the relevant statistics to make this journey more enlightening. I watched 234 movies this year — which is a down year for me. What was I doing besides watching movies? I have no idea. I tried to read more. Tried. Maybe they were all just longer movies. (Don’t do the math.) After compiling my list of nominations, one thing is clear: I watched a lot of movies from 1989… because #Watch1989.
The Academy Awards aren’t bothering with a host again this year, but Myrna Loy has agreed to return for her 5th consecutive Hertzie hosting gig and I promise there won’t be any 5-time Ricky Gervais Golden Globe scorched earth histrionics. Nothing but class in this ceremony. Class and booze.
First, links to all prior nominations and ceremonies: 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015
Now presenting the 5th Annual First-Watch Hertzie Award Nominations.
(Prior-year winners now appear on the nomination banners.)
Favorite Supporting Actress:
Pam Grier, Scream Blacula Scream (1973)
Anjelica Huston, Seraphim Falls (2006)
Ida Lupino, Road House (1948)
Michelle Pfeiffer, The Fabulous Baker Boys (1989)
Madonna, Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)
Dorothy Malone, The Nevadan (1950)
**WINNER** — Ida Lupino, Road House (1948)
Commentary: Is it possible to say that this category features five surprise nominations plus Michelle Pfeiffer? Thus, if all most are surprises who were the front-runners? Personally, I have no idea. Some of these women contest that they were more “leading lady” material, but those women should know that they’re here because they didn’t stand a chance in the Best Actress category, which features a f’ing powerhouse lineup.
Favorite Supporting Actor:
Richard E. Grant, Can You Ever Forgive Me? (2018)
The Horse, People in the Summer Night (1948)
Michael Caine, Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
Brad Pitt, Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood (2019)
Wesley Snipes, Dolemite Is My Name (2019)
Billy Zane, Dead Calm (1989)
**WINNER** — Richard E. Grant, Can You Ever Forgive Me? (2018)
Commentary: The Hertzies have been known to dish out nominations for inanimate and animal actors. “The Horse” should just be happy to receive the nomination, but we can’t wait for the reaction shot when someone else wins in February. Since I doubt many of you have seen People in the Summer Night, you’ll just have to trust me when I say he steals the entire movie. Billy Zane? The guy from Critters? And that Michael Caine nomination is ironic right? Can you do irony in awards shows?
Favorite Actor:
John Barrymore, Counsellor At Law (1933)
Taron Edgerton, Rocketman (2019)
William Holden, Wild Rovers (1971)
George O’Brien, Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (1927)
Tyrone Power, Nightmare Alley (1947)
Denzel Washington, The Mighty Quinn (1989)
**WINNER** – John Barrymore, Counsellor At Law (1933)
Commentary: A silent, a musical, a western, a noir, a Caribbean murder mystery and a pre-code drama walk into a bar. There’s no punch line.
Favorite Actress:
Roseanna Arquette, Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)
Janet Gaynor, Sunrise: Song of Two Humans (1927)
Edwige Fenech, All the Colors of the Dark (1972)
Emily Lloyd, In Country (1989)
Melissa McCarthy, Can You Ever Forgive Me? (2018)
Samara Weaving, Ready Or Not (2019)
**WINNER** — Samara Weaving, Ready Or Not (2019)
Commentary: I thought you called this “a powerhouse lineup” earlier? I’m seeing two scream queens, a comedian, an Arquette, another silent performance, and 19-year-old Emily Lloyd.
Favorite Adapted Screenplay
Hampton Fancher, The Mighty Quinn (1989)
Jules Furthman, Nightmare Alley
Nicole Holfcener and Jeff Whitty, Can You Ever Forgive Me? (2018)
Roy Huggins, Pushover (1948)
Kurt Luedtke, Out of Africa (1985)
Elmer Rice, Counsellor At Law (1933)
**WINNER** — Nicole Holfcener and Jeff Whitty, Can You Ever Forgive Me? (2018)
Commentary: There were screenplays for some of these? And wait? Out of Africa?
Favorite Original Screenplay:
Leora Barish, Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)
Scott Glosserman and David J. Stieve, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)
Emily Halpern, Sarah Haskins, etc. Booksmart (2019)
Rian Johnson, Knives Out (2019)
Joseph Minion, Vampire’s Kiss (1989)
Quentin Tarantino, Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood (2019)
**WINNER** — Leora Barish, Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)
Commentary: Multiple female screenwriters? You must be insane.
Favorite Director:
Bradley Cooper, A Star is Born (2018)
Blake Edwards, Wild Rovers (1971)
F.W. Murnau, Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (1927)
Susan Seidelman, Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)
Quentin Tarantino, Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood (2019)
Oliva Wilde, Booksmart (2019)
**WINNER** — F.W. Murnau, Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (1927)
Commentary: That Bradly Cooper nomination comes out of absolutely nowhere and you’ve never seen a category with both Olivia Wilde and F.W. Murnau and that feels special.
Favorite Picture:
Can You Ever Forgive Me? (2018)
Counsellor At Law (1933)
Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)
Pushover (1954)
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (1927)
**WINNER** — Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)
Commentary: A Favorite Picture category that spans 1927 through 2018? I don’t know what to make of these nominations, but I love it. The early front-runner has to be Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans, but all those Desperately Seeking Susan nominations…
Favorite B-Picture:
All the Colors of the Dark (1972)
Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)
A Bucket of Blood (1959)
Dead Calm (1989)
Earth Girls Are Easy (1989)
Vampire’s Kiss (1989)
**WINNER** — A Bucket of Blood (1959)
Commentary: You still don’t know what to do with this category and that’s fine. It just feels like a dumping ground for movies that you couldn’t justify as the best best — the ones you’re too ashamed to throw your entire support behind but deserve the love. But Earth Girls Are Easy? Really? You couldn’t do better than that? Nominations elsewhere suggest a frontrunner or two, but this is the B-Picture category so all bets are futile.
Good luck to all of our 2019 First-Watch Hertzie Award Nominees! The winners will be announced the evening of the 2020 Academy Awards on February 9th.